Finale

After Agnes leaves, Nathan and Katharine kiss. Finally. Then, cue music to:

14. Closing Sequence

KATHARINE
You wanna get out of here?

NATHAN
Uh huh.

KATHARINE
Where do you think we can go?

NATHAN
(thinks.)
Let's walk.

(A subdued reprise of the opening number. Lights shift to JAY as he somberly enter the common room, alone, and looks around at the mess. After a moment, the music explodes into a full reprise of the opening number.* Everyone except NATHAN, KATHARINE, and AGNES enters excitedly and repeats the choreography from the top of the show. During the reprise, JAY walks around the room, detached, watching everyone numbly but not interacting with them. He does not sing or dance.)

ALL (but JAY)
Here we go again
Time for another college party
Somehow so much happens every night
But nothing ever changes.
The story of the years we spent
Content to just experiment
With friends and freedom in four years of frozen time.

JAY
(to himself and the audience, bemused)
How amazing is this?
**

*Meanwhile, I'm booking it backstage-right from stage left, dropping the box, pulling on my (underwear on Saturday, my) pants, my shirt, and my shoes, and booking it back across backstage to re-enter on stage left with everyone else, just barely making it back in time each show.
**After this there's also 15. Curtain Call, but it's just the na na nas and "How-amazing-is-thises, capped with a Here-we-go-again-time-for-another-college-party.

And Then...

Agnes talks to Kath and Nath, Simon returns, and, finally, they ask Agnes why she can't let them have fun. As she gives her an answer, a series of events (in slow motion, for our production) take place outside the bedroom, exactly proving her point, which is the extremely accurate:

13. College Kids Are Idiots

AGNES
(spoken)
Why not? Why not?
(She throws open the door. Lights up on the rest of the dorm room. We see everyone partying below. Cue music.)
I'll tell you why not!
(sings):
College kids are idiots,
And you are a college kid.
So therefore you're a total idiot.
In every case this rule holds true. 'Cause

College kids are idiots
And tend to destroy themselves
And so I spend my every waking hour
Protecting you from you.*


When you drive golf carts down the stairs
Or you go sledding in your underwear
I'm the one who's waiting there
To scream and yell and stare
And steam and glare and swear
And no one anywhere can
Understand why I should care that**


College kids are idiots. Well,
Unfortunately, you matter.
Because the future belongs to the idiots.
God help us.
Which is why I still try.
The future belongs to the idiots.
God help us.
So we can't have you die.***


(AGNES, KATHARINE, and NATHAN watch from JAY's room, as the students do ridiculous and dangerous things. It's really a mess. After a few moments of watching this, AGNES turns back to KATHARINE and NATHAN. The craziness continues in the room, even more frantically than ever.)
When you eat mothballs on a dare
Or you set fire to your teddy bear
I'm the one who's waiting there
to scream and yell and stare
And steam and glare and swear
And no one anywhere can
Understand why I should care that****

(as the CHORUS ahhs)
College kids are idiots. Well,
Unfortunately, you matter. Because

AGNES & CHORUS
The future belong to the idiots.

AGNES
God help us.
Which is why I still try.

CHORUS
Ah-ah-ahh!

AGNES & CHORUS
The future belongs to the idiots.

AGNES
God help us.
So we can't have you die!

CHORUS
(as AGNES holds on "die")
College kids, college kids,
Idiots, ahh!*****

*They put bubble wrap over Simon's head and started hitting.
**Sword fighting with hockey sticks. Then they smashed heads and both collapsed. The girls downstage-left pointing and laughing are collapsed from wheelbarrowing across the room.
***Keg stand!
****I got lots of laughs running across the stage in a beer box. Plus it was nice and breezy. And if you're wondering, yes, I wore my underwear under the box. Except on Saturday. I still wore my underwear. I just wore them... on... my head. Afterwards, Morgan (Amy) told me she saw a bit of cheek.
*****Funnels, as we all cheer them on. w00t!

No P

Here's a reprise (not a preprise; no P). After Jay leaves, Katharine comes in. She and Nathan talk a bit. He asks if she remembers when they me. She answers:

12A. Nathan and Katharine's Reprise*

(spoken):
KATHARINE
(laughing)
Wait, do you?

NATHAN
(playfully, flirtatiously)
I kinda, fell into-- which I'm... sorry about, by the way-- but--

KATHARINE
I remember.

NATHAN
(smiles. Music crescendos. He mocks himself, playinga game with KATHARINE, but with an underlying sincerity. Sings:)
There's something in your eyes...

KATHARINE
(playing a game with him too, says:)
You noticed I have eyes!**

NATHAN
I wonder what you're thinking about...

KATHARINE
You are such a dweeb.

NATHAN
Do you feel the way that I do?

BOTH
(leaning in for a possible**** kiss)
Guess there's only one way to find out...

*Remember Katharine's part in "How Amazing is This?" when Nathan was fascinated by some Cool Ranch Doritos? This is to the same tune.
**On our Saturday show, she followed that with, "...and not just boobs."
***Until this line, Nathan sings and Katharine speaks.
****It's only a possible kiss because, before they get there, Agnes barges or tumbles in, looking for Jay, and the music abruptly stops.

H2H

Nathan finds Jay in his room. They have a heart-to-heart, like Eric and I used to have when he'd get drunk and come to my room. Then:

12. Reflection*

JAY
Dude.
All the girls wanna see me.
All the guys wanna be just like me,
Be around me, so yeah,
Whatcha heard is all true.

Sure.
I'm as chill as they make 'em.
Where's the party? I'll take right over.
Take the spotlight, 'cause hey,
It's me. It's what I do. And

Ooh, my life is pretty sweet.
But ooh, it's kinda incomplete
'Cause ev'ry night, once the magic show is through
There's still one more person that I wish I knew.
He's confiding in a freshman,
On a Saturday at a quarter after two.

NATHAN**
Yeah.
Guess my collar flips up now,
And a dollar means one more beer at
One more party,
Try to remember one more name.

JAY
Hey.
So you're learning the way to
Smile and say that you like Dave Matthews,***

NATHAN
You hate to study.****

JAY
It's not real, you know? It's just a game.

NATHAN
But now ooh, you're somehow not the same.

JAY
Ooh, not sure what I became

BOTH
Or where to go from here, 'cause this is how it's gonna be
Till I finally escape with my degree.

JAY
But for now I'll talk in monotone

NATHAN
Soaked in cologne

BOTH
At a quarter after three.*****

NATHAN
Na na na na na na na na

BOTH
Na na na na na na na na

Hoping to god we fit in okay, hell,
We started this act on the very first day.
Wondering who is this guy we're all trying to be
And what will he do to me?

Ooh, I think we all feel lost.
Ooh, beneath our loud Lacoste
Lies that little kid that we're all trying to ignore
Who hopes after college he'll be something more.

JAY
But he still fakes smiles and handshakes.

NATHAN
Still that guy who doesn't get it.

JAY
Just wants decent conversation,

NATHAN
Motivation,

BOTH
Aspiration.

JAY
Or just to disappear at half past four.

NATHAN
Na na na na na na na na

JAY
Na na na na na na na na

BOTH
Na na na na na na na na

*I'm told that Drew Fornarola and Scott Elmegreen wrote this song first, then built the rest of the show around it.
**Due to being sick and this song being at the end of the show, you could hear Nathan's voice starting to go (only the very slightest bit, here or there) by the end of this song. But only on opening night; the other shows were better. Especially considering he was still sick.
***Me too!
****Me too!
*****Apparently, this song has been going on for an hour.

An Accurate Designation of our Generation

The next morning, the football scene. A brief discussion of the word "meh." And then the awesomely hokey song:

11. Generation Meh

JAY
Our grandparents were the greatest
Mom and Dad were Boomers
But no one knows who we are yet.
None* of the labels the experts pick
Ever seem to really stick.
Which makes us just a little bit upset.
So without further ado
I present to you
Generation...
meh.**

EDDIE
Stuff sucks
But there's nothing we can do about it.

NATHAN
Well, not without considerable effort.
Armies forming and
Global warming won't
Simply go away.

AMY
Too bad

ROB
Yeah.

WILL
Stuff sucks
But there's nothing we can do about it.

NATHAN
Well, not without initiative and planning.

LINDSAY
Dreaming big is so
Overrated, though

ALL (but NATHAN)
Why not spend the day here
Coasting through,
Getting by;
Doing our best not to try.
Just like all our friends across the nation.
Maybe we could make a stir,

JAY
But apathy is easier.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

EDDIE
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

ROB
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

NATHAN
Meh?

ADRIENNE & AMY
World's bad
But there's nothing we can do about it.

SARAH & LINDSAY
Well, not without some discipline and focus.

ROB & WILL
But in that regard,
Working hard is hard

EDDIE
We prefer to sit.

JAY
Things blow
But there's nothing we can do about it.

SARAH
Well, not without, like, taking off our headphones.

NATHAN
Might be worth a shot--

JAY
But we'd rather not.

ALL (but NATHAN)
It's less stress to quit.

ALL
Coasting through,
Getting by;
Doing our best not to try.
Just like all our friends across the nation.

MEN
Don't buy what they try to teach ya.

WOMEN
Stay inside and read your Nietzsche.***

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

LINDSAY
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

WILL
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

NATHAN
Meh?

EDDIE (spoken)
All right, everybody, let's do the apathy dance.

(They do the most unenthusiastic dance break ever. These three lines are spoken over the course of the dancing:)

LINDSAY
Whatever.

ROB
This is sooo lame.

AMY
Oh my God.

JAY
Democrats are stupid and
Republicans are evil
So why bother to believe you'll
Make a difference either way?

AMY
The terrorists keep plotting
And diseases keep on spreading.
No one quite knows where we're heading.

ALL
Maybe that's why kids today are

NATHAN
Scared to fail
Scared to death

ALL
All of us holding our breath
Even as we roll our eyes and pout.
We're wondering if we could come through

NATHAN
Even if we wanted to
Secretly afraid to go find out.

JAY
So for now we're all just

ALL
Coasting through,
Getting by;
Doing our best not to try.
Just like all our friends across the nation.
Sure the world will go to shit
But we don't have to notice it.

GROUP 1

Generation

GROUP 2
Meh

GROUP 1

Generation

GROUP 2
Meh

GROUP 1

Generation

GROUP 2
Meh

GROUPS 1 & 2****
Work (meh) Clean (meh) Vote (meh) Study (meh) Try (meh) Care (meh) Plan (meh) Thnik (meh)
(GROUP 3 enters here, singing LAs -- overlapping with below, happily, skipping around while plugging their ears, verse melody.)
Protest (meh) Challenge (meh) Grow (meh) Reach (meh) Dream (meh) Fight (meh) Question (meh) Hope (meh) Work (meh) Clean (meh) Vote (met) Study (meh)

ALL
Generation...

NATHAN
Meh.

*For the longest time, our Jay would always say "all" instead of "none," which sends the exact opposite message.
**The word "meh" is never sung; always spoken.
***At least two people in the cast (university students) at some point asked me what that line meant (and who/what Nietzsche is). I was thoroughly disappointed.
****I was group 1. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to memorize all the words in order. But I did. Don't worry.

We're in the Double Digits!

Katharine sees Nathan and Lindsay makkin'. She tips off Agnes and then, once everyone else has passed out, she sings:

10. All Together, All Alone

KATHARINE
All together
All alone
Driving in circles in the dark.
We're all wondering how
We're gonna find our way
And if we'd know it if we got where we're going.

All together
All alone
Trying to do the best we can.
A little over our heads
Maybe misunderstood
But all we want is just to know what we want

We're just kids
Who feel old.*
Still looking for answers to questions
We don't know how to ask.

KATHARINE & NATHAN
All together
All alone
Wondering where to go from here.**
But we wear a brave face
And let ourselves go numb
An wait for something to change.

KATHARINE, NATHAN & CHORUS
We're just kids (All together, all alone)
Who feel old. (All together, all alone)
Still looking for answers to questions
We don't know how to ask.***

GROUP 1
All together
All alone
Wondering where to go from here,
GROUP 2
All together
All alone
Driving in circles in the dark,
GROUP 3****
All together
All alone
Trying to do our best,*****

ALL
But we wear a brave face
And let ourselves go numb
And wait for something to change.

All together...

KATHARINE
All alone.

*I feel like that a lot. Like when I was in grade 12. And on my 20th birthday.
**For these three lines, Nathan sings it a bit later than Katharine, and they overlap.
***Chorus on the left, Katharine and Nathan on the right. Similar overlapping for the last two lines, with the chorus, then Kath and Nath.
****Usually Nathan and Katharine.
*****Similar overlapping.

Niner!

After Agnes' unsuccessful attempt to get evidence from Katharine of the party, the focus shifts to Nathan and Lindsay as:

9. You're Good Enough for Now

(NATHAN tries to smoke pot, can't, and begins coughing hysterically. They talk:)

LINDSAY
See? It's easy!

NATHAN
Am I making any sense?

LINDSAY
Some...

NATHAN
You see, when I get drunk, I get less... articulous...

LINDSAY
You're cute.

NATHAN
Lindsay... how can I put this?
(sings):
I have this weird feeling.
I'm afraid it's here to stay
'Cause I'm pretty sure drinking more
Won't make it go away.
And since you're really hot
I don't know what to do.
I guess I'm sort in love with you, a little.

This is happening so fast.
Will it last? I can't see how.
But we might as well.
What the hell.
You're good enough for now.*

LINDSAY
I thought you were stupid.
I actually still do.
And I thought that you were immature
And I still think that too.
But I'm so bored right now
That from my point of view
I guess I'm sorta in love with you, a little.

This is happening so fast.
Will it last? I can't see how.
But we might as well.
What the hell.
You're good enough for now.

NATHAN
Maybe we're meant to be.

LINDSAY
Maybe I feel a spark.

BOTH
Maybe people just seem better-looking in the dark.

NATHAN
I'm not saying let's move in.

LINDSAY
I'm not saying let's get pets.

BOTH
I'm just saying one night might be worth all the regrets.**

I'm willing to settle
'Cause you have shown me how.
You're out of mind when you're out of sight
But I see you right now.
We're not a perfect match
You're not my dream come true
But I guess I kinda maybe might be slightly sort of almost nearly somewhat rather fairly relatively
In love with you.***

CHORUS
Ahh, ahh.

NATHAN & LINDSAY
A little.
And that's love enough for now.
CHORUS
Ooh...

This is happening so fast
Will it last? I can't see how.

NATHAN & LINDSAY
But we might as well.
What the hell...

*This song sounds sweet at first listen. Or, it did for me. Then I actually listened to the lyrics, and discovered that it's hilairmo.
**I told that to someone once. It must have been someone who was in the show, and got the reference. I wonder what I was talking about...
***AWESOME line!

After, 8

Agnes has set up camp outside Jay et al.'s room. She's waiting. Intermission. After that, the party starts with:

8. Alcoholeluia
I put in boldface the lines corresponding with the pictures they precede.

JAY emerges from his room. He stands on his balcony, above the entering crowd, like a priest. Everyone masses like a creepy Gothic chorus below him. He begins to sing in Gregorian-style chant.

JAY
Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here tonight
To worship the defining of the college experience.

ALL
(turning to the audience)
Ahh...

JAY
To celebrate the one thing that unifies us all.

ALL
(turning to the audience)
Ahh...

JAY
To participate in the miracle that occurs on
Campuses across America every Thursday, Friday
Saturday, and sometimes the other days too.
ALL
Ooh...


JAY
(spoken)
Eddie! Tap the keg!

ALL
(as EDDIE taps the keg:)
Ooh...ahh!

Gospel-rock feel begins.**

ALL
Life is hard but never fear
Your one true calling is ever clear
So come commit to getting lit today.
If you believe, then you will see
The pointlessness of sobriety
With Jack in hand your problems float away!

Send your conscience on vacation
And embrace annihilation.
Let the beer be your salvation
As you sing...

Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Grab a brew.
Let it guide you through the night, ahh!
Alcoholeluia!
Get a few into ya.
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.


(spoken):
LINDSAY
Hey, Nathan -- don't you look cute!

NATHAN
Thanks -- I changed shoes! Hey, do you know if Katharine's gonna be here tonight?

LINDSAY
I haven't seen her. Aren't you two in a fight?

NATHAN
I guess so...
(LINDSAY touched him flirtatiously as she walks away, and NATHAN spills his drink on himself.)

(sung):
WOMEN
Every day new troubles come
But you can't let them distract you from
The only faith with proof that you can see.

MEN
We speak in tongues and dance and shout
And get so happy that we pass out***
And isn't that the way that life should be?


JAY
So I'll loan ya a Corona.
It'll change your whole persona.
We'll get you in the zone and
Then you'll sing...
ALL
Ooh, ah ah ah ah
Ooh, ah ah ah ah
Ooh, ah ah ah ah, ahh

ALL
Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Drink with me, there's no need to be uptight. Ahh!
Alcoholeluia!
Feel it flowing through ya!
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.


(Dance break with overlapping chanting; each group continues as the next joins in.)

GROUP 1
Boot and rally. Boot, boot and rally.
Boot and rally. Boot, boot and rally.

GROUP 2
Shit I have to piss again! Shit I have to piss again!
Shit I have to piss again! Shit I have to piss again!****


GROUP 3
Oh my god! I love this song!
Oh my god! I love this song!

GROUP 4
Notice me. Please, notice me. Why won't you
Notice me. Please, notice me. Why won't you


GROUP 5
This guy! Look at this guy. Hey! This guy right here's amazing!
This guy! Look at this guy. Hey! This guy right here's amazing!


JAY
Have a shot of half a handle.
Nothing else can hold a candle
To liquor on demand! You'll
Start to sing...

ALL
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
(The group huddles together like an a capella group, each holding a shot.)
Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Pretty soon
It'll start to taste all right.
(shot)
Ahh!
(throw their shots/cups)


Alcoholeluia!
It's what you gotta do, duh!
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.
Ahh!

Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Be born again
Feel the spirits and unite, ahh!
Alcoholeluia!
Then boot and start anew, ya,
Sing Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light, ahh...
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.

*We were all wearing dark hoodies for this part, with our heads bowed so you couldn't see our faces. It was quite eerie.
**And this is when we pulled off our hoods and it got all bright and junk.
***Here, I passed out. Yes, I fell again. And not for the last time in the show, either.
****Our girls said pee instead of piss. By the way, groups 1, 4, and 5 were guys; 2 and 3 were girls. I was in group 4.

Ending Seven

Okay, so number 7 doesn't end the first act, but it is the last song in act one. Well, where we had the intermission. The script doesn't actually have an intermission written into it.
Anyway, after "Tired," Jay announces another party for that night. Nathan argues with his parents over the phone, making for something of an awkward situation for the others. Everyone leaves but Nathan, Will, and Sarah. While Nathan sits at Simon's desk, Will and Sarah begin to talk:

7. We're Who I Am*

(spoken):
WILL
I'm just... I'm not the greatest when it comes to the little things in our relationship. I get stressed out, and maybe I'm not always as considerate as I could be... I often don't return your e-mails, or your voicemails, or your text messages... I've never remembered your birthday, or our anniversary... at parties I ignore you, and I flirt with other girls... or I go out without you and I come home drunk... and I never wanna cuddle--

SARAH
(cutting off WILL and the music vamp)
Will, stop. Seriously.

WILL
Sorry! I just wanna make sure it's not me you're tired of...

SARAH
(as the vamp starts up again)
Will

WILL
Yes?

SARAH
(sings)**
There must have been a time
When I kissed myself good night.
I try to think of it
But it doesn't quite ever feel right.

What was it
Like on my own?
Facing each morning alone
It wasn't long ago, I know.
And yet...

I don't remember.
We're who I am now.
Like I was
Born the day we met.
We're who I am.***

There must have been a time
When I turned around and you weren't there.
All that was guiding me
Were some daydreams and pieces of prayer.

What if our
Paths hadn't crossed?
Would I be
Wandering, lost?

Wondering what this empty life could mean?

I can't imagine.
We're who I am now.
No other
Way it could have been.
We're who I am.

(NATHAN looks up from the desk. He watches. SARAH continues, not noticing NATHAN.)

One day I disappeared.
It was scary and wonderful all at once.
I've vanished. There's only us,
And no way I could ever go back, 'cause

Who would I be then?
(WILL kisses her.)
And I don't know what I would do.
If there were no "I love you too."
I would be no one without you.
We're who I am.

*This song actually quite reminds me of "Under Your Spell," Tara's song in "Once More, With Feeling."
**When she first started this song, our Sarah was really quiet, which was a shame because she has such a nice voice. By January, though, she seemed much more confident, and had a much stronger voice.
***It seems sweet, but when you consider this side plot with her, Will, and Jay, it's actually a bit depressing.

The Real Six

Simon returns to his room, to find that now, everyone else is studying, and they're all getting mad at him for being loud. And, of course, he says, "What the hell." Katharine comes in, followed by Nathan, who's choosing to skip Spanish. Way to go, Rob. This is all your fault. Amy comes in, and quickly and energetically strings together a nearly incomprehensible series of run-on sentences concerning her participation in too many extra-curriculars. She collapses. Lindsay comes back, and Jay comes from his room. Nathan ponders his tiredness, pointing out he's done nothing all day. Amy proceeds to prove him wrong:

6. Tired

AMY
We're e-mail checkers and Ramen noodle makers,
Poster putter-uppers and party partakers.
(She accepts and drinks a Red Bull, and the music speeds up.)
We're rehearsal go-er to-ers and
Sometime laundry do-ers.
Hash connoisseurs, and piggy bank breakers.
(Chorus begins to trickle in; they're all there by the first chorus.)

WILL & LINDSAY
We're relationship havers and roommate mediators

EDDIE
Butt sitter onners

ROB
And lunatic daters.

ADRIENNE
We're soccer stars who play guitars at nursing homes, then go to bars

ALL
Knowing that we have a ten-page paper due later.
So, yeah, we're all a little tired, but
Yeah, in college that's required.
There's so much to do, and there's only one you.
So we whine and we droop and we ache
'Cause we're constantly, ceaselessly, always awake.

(spoken):
NATHAN
I guess we are pretty tired.

AMY
See?

(sung):
KATHARINE
We're midnight pizza eaters, pajama bottom wearers.

SIMON
Lecture sitter throughers and life lesson sharers.

AMY & WILL
We're on our knees* to try to please some Ph.D's and earn degrees

NATHAN
We're cell phone psychoanalysts

EDDIE
And stereo blarers, so

ALL
Yeah, we're all a little weary oh
Yeah, because we've got this theory:
No time for bed? Grab a Red Bull instead.
It's a cycle you just can't shake
When you're constantly, ceaselessly, always awake.

SIMON
I was up all night doing homework.

ROB
I was up all night playing Smash Fest.

LINDSAY
I was up all night yelling at Rob,
'Cause he was up all night playing Smash Fest.

WILL
I was up all night at the party.

NATHAN & KATHARINE
We were up all night playing phone tag.

EDDIE & ADRIENNE
We were up all night... can't remember why

ALL
Better get some sleep before I die!**

(spoken):
SARAH
(entering)
Hey guys... what're you doing?

ALL
We're tired!

SARAH
Tell me about it!
(sings, as everyone slowly gets up):
I'm tired of my 10 AM lecture and smiling every hour;
Worrying and feeling like I have no power.
The pressure to be pretty and to leave extremely witty away messages
Just to say I'm in the shower

KATHARINE
Having roommates and professors and parents to please--

ALL
Tired!

SIMON
Conjunctivitis

ROB
And bibliographies.

AMY & WILL
Being caffeine machines who act obscene but still dress up on Halloween

ALL
We're tired of being in between, so maybe that explains why we...
Yeah, we're all a little groggy
Oh yeah, and sometimes life gets foggy
Our bodies complain 'cause our lives are insane
Maybe sooner or later they'll break.
'Cause we're constantly, ceaselessly, always awake.

(AGNES enters and sings counterpoint with the COMPANY)

AGNES
(overlapping with lyrics below:)
Why won't they just go to sleep?
I'm so tired of watching them stay up forever.
Why can't they just go to bed?
Just like normal people do?
What is wrong with you?

WILL
I'm getting tired of being in Jay's shadow.

ROB
I'm getting tired of living like a refugee.

KATHARINE
I'm getting tired of trying so hard.


NATHAN & JAY
I'm getting tired of being me.

SIMON & LINDSAY
I'm getting tired of not being respected.

EDDIE, ADRIENNE, AMY
I'm getting tired of growing up.

SARAH
I'm getting tired of wondering who I am.

ALL (Except AGNES)
Then damn, it's time to cram for an exam.

MEN
So
Yeah, we're all a little burned out.
Yeah, that's just the way it turned out.
WOMEN
(at the same time)
Yeah, we're all a little burned out.
Yeah,

ALL
We're all in so deep that we can't even sleep***
So we're certain to make some mistakes.

(Music stops when EDDIE makes some sort of mistake****. Everyone stops briefly and looks at him before:)

ROB
Ow!

EDDIE
Sorry.

ROB
Dude.

ALL
'Cause we're constantly, ceaselessly, always awake.

WOMEN
Awake!
Awake!
MEN
Yeah, we're all a little tired but
Yeah, in college that's required.

ALL
Endlessly awake!
*****

*I fell a lot in this song. At this part, we all fell to our knees, getting up at the next line.
**We all fell on die.
***Half of us (myself included) fell to the floor on this line; the other half helped us up on the next line.
****For us, Eddie allowed Rob to fall while helping him up. The on time in the whole song that anyone fell and I didn't.
*****Then we all fell to the ground. Again. By the end of show week, I had a huge bruise on the right side of my hip and my right knee, from always falling hard on that last one.

Ssssssssix (well...)

After Lindsay and Rob break up over a video game, Lindsay runs into Katharine, who's still upset about Nathan. After Lindsay tells Katharine perhaps the most hilariously awesome version of The Ant and the Grasshopper that I have ever heard, Katharine tries calling Nathan, but gets his voicemail. Then:

5A. He's a Dweeb (All Together, All Alone Preprise*)

KATHARINE
I don't get it.
He's a dweeb.
But somehow I care about that
Stupid little twerp.
Because there's something there
Even though he sucks.
Jeez.**
I wanna beat him up.
Or else make out...?

Some girls fall
For the captain of the football team or the poet.
Some girls fall
For the tall ones or the tough ones or the ones with green eyes.***
That said then,
Of course I
Fall for a guy that I kinda hate. Great.
Nice going, Kath'rine.

Still, I like him.
Like... a lot.
Even if I can't understand exactly why.
But now it's three-o-five
And I am late for class.
And my professor will not care
That I'm in love.

*Because apparently that's a word.
**That one word is spoken.
***I'm not a football player or a poet, tough or tall. But I have green eyes. WIN.

Five Years (Well, Posts) of COLLEGE

Once Agnes' songliloquy (that's my word, so back off!) is done, the guys talk and play for a bit. Then, Lindsay comes in. She's pissed at Rob because he's (as usual) playing Smash Fest. She gives him an ultimatum:

5. Click, Smash!

(spoken):
LINDSAY
That's it, Rob! You have to choose. It's me or Smash Fest.

ROB
What?

LINDSAY
Me or Smash Fest!

EDDIE
(to NATHAN)
Easiest choice ever.

ROB
Oh, come on -- Lindsay, don't do this!

NATHAN
Hey! I got a kill!

WILL
You killed yourself.

LINDSAY
Don't test me, Rob.

ROB
Lindsay, it's not like that. You have to appreciate the finer points of this game!

EDDIE
Yeah, it's real cerebral.

ROB
No, seriously!
(sings)
It might seem like a wasted of time
To sit around a bid TV
But, baby, you don't realize
What animated violence means to me!
Click, smash! It gives us such a rush to
Click, smash! annihilate and crush you
Have to understand that it brings a boy joy to
Click, smash, pointlessly destroy.

LINDSAY
Rob, if you think you're gonna get through to me--

WILL, EDDIE
A huge surge of adrenaline
Accompanies each burst of flame
Hey everyone, I'm Superman*

ROB
Don't try to tell me this is just a game.

ROB, WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE
Click, smash! Hey, look! That guy's defenseless!
Click, smash! We'd better beat him senseless.
You have to understand that it brings a boy joy to
Click, smash, pointlessly destroy.

(spoken)
LINDSAY
Jesus, Rob, just stop it! Guys, this is not impressing me!

ROB
Lindsay, have you even been listening to us?

LINDSAY
Yes! You're the one who isn't listening to--

ROB
Lindsay, please. Come here, come over here!** Now take my controller.
(He gets behind her and puts his arms around her. His hands hold her hands as they both hold the controller.)
Okay, just... think of it like a romantic movie.
(sings, as the other guys do some aahs and oohs.)
I see you alone in the distance
There are thousands of stars in the sky
You look so appealing, there's no use concealing
The feelings I'm feeling inside.
I follow you out to the edge of the pier
And you turn and realize that I'm here
And the drama slowly increases...
(They are about to kiss. ROB, at the last minute, pulls away, turns to the TV and starts hitting buttons violently)
Till I smash your kneecaps to pieces!

(spoken)
LINDSAY
Dammit, Rob! Goodbye!
(She throws the controller and storms out.)

EDDIE
I think she's gone, dude.

ROB
Meh.

ALL
(sing)
They never understand that it brings a boy joy
To click, smash! Pointlessly destroy!

(A rockin' ballet dance break ensues, in which they violently but gracefully fight/dance like ballerinas. They all die, lie motionless for a moment, respawn, and continue fighting. And dancing. ADRIENNE enters.)

ADRIENNE
Hey, guys? What're you doing?

(The boys freeze, embarrassed to be caught dancing ballet.)

ROB
Playing Smash Fest...
(Pause; ADRIENNE looks incredulous.)

WILL
It's kind of a guy thing.

ADRIENNE
Can I play?
(The boys looks dumbfounded for a moment.)

ROB
Uh... sure. Eddie, hand it over.

EDDIE
Why?

ROB
Because you suck!
(EDDIE gives ADRIENNE the controller.)
Now Adrienne, the controls might take some getting used to...

WILL
Whoa!

ROB
Ah! Wait! Stop! Who's hitting me?

ADRIENNE
Sorry. My bad. Tee hee!
(All the boys turn to ADRIENNE, a mix of surprise and longing. She sings:)
It's time to show the boys who's boss.
Come on, you guys, put up a fight!
There isn't any place to hide.
Oh, Rob, I've got you in my sight!

ADRIENNE, ROB
Click, smash! I bashed you in the head, yeah!
Click, smash! It's fun to make thing dead.
WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE***
Click smash ahh
Click smash ahh

ALL
You have to understand that it brings us all joy
To click, smash, pointlessly destroy!

ADRIENNE, ROB
Destroy!
Destroy!
WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE
Click smash, smashy smashy click click
Click smash, smashy smashy click click
Click smash, smashy smashy click
Click smash!

*On this line, we did the Soulja Boy (did I spell that right) "Superman." It started out as a joke suggestion for one person to do, and it eventually got to all of us actually doing it.
**Our Rob said, "Come over here so I can holler at you for a minute!"
***I'm skipping skipping a line to indicate that these parts are sung at the same time. I can't do columns in this medium of writing.

4444

Soon after, a game of Smash Fest (Super Smash Bros. without the copyright issues) begins, much to Simon's chagrin. A few of the boys express worry about Agnes busting the party, but Jay dismisses them. What he doesn't know, however, is that Agnes is outside, expressing anticipation for the same thing the others are expressing worry for, as well as... other feelings for Jay, in a song that quite reminds me of "Hellfire" from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame (in general theme, not melody or specific content:

4. As Long As it Takes

AGNES
(Beginning with Agnes' March, as she sings along to it)
I hate Jay.
Oh yes. I really do.
I hate him.
Ha, ha ha you hear
That Jay? I'll get you
Soon. Hm! Hm!
Because I really... hate you...

(spoken)
So why can't I stop singing about you?*

(The music shifts, and AGNES' movement shifts with it. She begins singing and dancing beautifully.)
I don't know how you do it.
The charm, the grace, the style...
You haunt my dreams and it seems
Like every time you smile.
I can't control the lust in me
To get you into...
(uncomfortable pause)
...custody.*
So know no matter what or who you do.
For as long as it takes
As long as it takes
I'll be waiting here for you.

I can't get you out of my mind
It's the kind of a bind that could cause insanity
(gesture of insanity)
I back you into a corner
You wink and you wriggle away!
But I'm gonna fight till that one star-crossed
Night when I'll have you at last
And then I'll make you pay!

I know you think you're magic
And you might think so too.
Until today you've had your way
In everything you do.
So laugh at me and have your fun
But soon sweet justice will be done!
And till then I swear I shall not rest
For as long as it takes
As long as it takes
To end my glorious quest!

*On opening night, after she said that line, someone in the audience yelled, "No way!"
**This word was sung with a very... let's say sexy, exhalation. Kind of my favourite part of the song, mostly because of how it was delivered.

Numéro Trois

Then Agnes comes. Jay charms his way out of junk (again). Remember that tomorrow. Anyway, then everyone leaves until it's just Nathan and Simon. Katharine comes. Nathan doesn't remember her. She get pissed and storms out. In a vain effort to get rid of Nathan, Simon inadvertently kicks off

3. Nathan's Song

(spoken:)
NATHAN
It's not about you, Simon. It's about... needing a change.*

SIMON
Do not sing about it.**

NATHAN
Seeing something new...

SIMON
Nathan! Do not sing about it!

NATHAN
(sings)
Sixteen seems so long ago
I forgot how good it feels

SIMON
(spoken)
You're eighteen.

NATHAN
To have the whole world out in front of you
And a brand new set of wheels.
To not know where you're going,
But to know you're almost gone.
Watch the past get small in the rearview mirror
Turn the radio up and sing along.
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na

I've got the keys, it's time to see
How fast this thing can go.
Roll down the windows, hit the gas
And blast into the night.
I'm gunning it down a brand new road
And going till it feels right.
Gotta make up lost time, so there's
No way I'm gonna stay.
Come if you want to, or get out of my way.

Last night I learned that I
Can have a hundred different faces
And fingerprints that shift and change
And simple choice replaces.
The person you were yesterday
With one you'd rather be.
And suddenly new energy is
Bursting out each part of me!
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na

I've got the keys, it's time to see
How fast this thing can go.

SIMON
(spoken)
Yes, yes it is!

NATHAN
Roll down the windows, hit the gas
And blast into the night.

SIMON
(spoken)
What are you waiting for?

NATHAN
I'm gunning it down a brand new road
And going till it feels right.
Gotta make up lost time, so there's
No way I'm gonna stay.

SIMON
(spoken)
Then don't stay!

NATHAN
Come if you want to, or get out of my way.
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
I've got the keys!

BOTH
Na na na na na na na na
Get out of my way.
Na na na na na na na na
Get out of my way.
(as SIMON puts NATHAN in his desk chair, and rolls him toward the door:)
Na na na na na na na na
Get out of my way.
Na na na na na na na na
(Just as they reach the door, NATHAN stands up, with a new energy, much to SIMON's dismay)
Get out of my way!

*Nathan is scripted to say the word "about" a lot. I mean, a lot. And our Nathan is the only person I have EVER met who actually says "abote."

**Does it break a wall when they acknowledge breaking out into song? Like in "Once More, with Feeling?"

Numba Twoooo

The next morning, some shit goes down. Simon says "What the hell?" a lot, Eddie comes in and makes another mark on the wall with a Sharpie, and before long, we go into...

2. Simon Says

EDDIE
I think I'm gonna go to the gym.

SIMON
(speaks)
That's great Eddie.

EDDIE
Yup! I think I'm gonna go to the gym!

SIMON
(speaks)
You said that.

EDDIE
It's so much fun to lift and run
And flex my pecs for everyone

SIMON
(speaks)
My God.

EDDIE
I really really like the gym
I think I'm gonna go to the,
Think I'm gonna go to the,
Think I'm gonna go to the...

SIMON
Eddie!

EDDIE
What?

SIMON
What the hell?
(sings:)
I have a test in a couple of hours.
I need to read so I don't fail.
Why can't it be quiet I don't know.
This could affect my whole career.
I dearly wish you'd disappear.
Let's play Simon Says, and I say go!
(pushes EDDIE out the door, just as Amy frantically enters)
Oh no.

AMY
(caffeinated)
Hey Simon, whatcha doin'?
You look tires, I'm not tired.
Ooh! Mol Bio, that's required
I admire you for trying.
It's too hard for me I think,
It really hardly stinks in here.
My nose is happy. You look crappy.
Man, your eyes are pretty pink!
The floor is muddy, buddy else
I'm just a crazy fuddy duddy
Whuddy you think? Crap! I'm out of Red Bull!
Oh, wait! Here's one!
(drinks)
To Simon's Bio preparation
And his awesome education.

(spoken:)
SIMON
What the hell?

AMY
What what what what?

(sung:)
SIMON
I have a test in a couple of hours
I need to read so I don't fail.
Why can't it be quiet, who can say?
If it's at all within your power
Could you shut up for just one hour?
Simon says get out of here, okay?
(gets AMY out of the room, allowing ROB to get in)

ROB
Come on! Take a break!

SIMON
(spoken)
I can't play Smash Fest right now.

ROB
Come on! Take a break!

SIMON
(spoken)
I have a test in two hours!

ROB
This test's a breeze. It's easy.
Please?! You know you want to, dude.

SIMON
(spoken)
You're in this class!

ROB
Come on! Take a break!
Come on! Take a break!
'Cause let's be real, man, here's the deal, man,
Either way you're screwed.

SIMON
(as ROB sits down to play a video game)
We have a test in a couple of hours.
I need to read so I don't fail.

LINDSAY
(entering, frustrated)
Rob!

SIMON
Why can't it be quiet just one day?

LINDSAY
(spoken)
You were supposed to meet me half an hour ago.

SIMON
I think that I might get a "B"
If you don't stop distracting me.
Simon says you need to go away!

ROB and LINDSAY exit. SARAH enters to SIMON's increasing frustration. Music pauses momentarily.

SARAH
(yelling obnoxiously*, trying to find him)
Will!

WILL
(emerging from his room, sickeningly cute, speaks:)
Hey, Sarah. How was the rest of your night?

SARAH
(equally cute)
It was fine. I missed you.

SIMON
Oh my God.

Music re-enters. WILL walks toward SARAH as they sing to each other.

SARAH
Sweetie.

WILL
Lovey.

BOTH
Sugar pie.
Tee hee, tee hee, tee hee!
Mehnm-ehnm-ehnm-ehnmen!

SARAH
Lovey-buggy!

WILL
Schmoopy eyes!

SIMON
(spoken)
You're making me ill.

BOTH
Tee hee, tee hee, tee hee!
Mehnm-ehnm-ehnm-ehnmen!

SARAH
Sweetheart, schnuckums.

WILL
Dream come true!

SARAH
Poopsie woopsie.

WILL
(they hop together)
Kangaroo!

BOTH
(making kissing noises)
Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah!
You're so cute!

SIMON
(screaming)
All right! Enough! For the love of God, stop!
(sings)
I have a test in a couple of hours!
I need to read so I don't fail...

SARAH
(spoken)
Let's go to your room, Will. It's loud in here.

They exit. SIMON slowly gathers himself. Just as relief sets in and he resumes his reading, all the doors suddenly burst open; EDDIE, AMY, ROB, LINDSAY, SARAH, WILL, and ADRIENNE** enter, and NATHAN pops up from under the blanket on the couch. They have realized that bothering SIMON is a lot of fun, and intend to capitalize on this. They all sing their verses in counterpoint, and then:

ALL
SIMON SIMON SIMON SIMON
SIMON SIMON SIMON SIMON SIMON!

SIMON
(with a scream that ends all their singing)
WHAT THE HELL!

*Our Sarah was adorable, not obnoxious.

**Adrienne doesn't actually sing, but she is in the next scene.

First Installment of COLLEGE

It was recently made known to me that COLLEGE: the Musical is an awesome show. By recently, I mean September 2010 when I was cast (in the chorus) in the Canadian premiere at my school.
It was made much more recently known to me that knowing lyrics would be desirable, which is understandable, 'cause they rock.
So, presenting the first installment of posting lyrics to the songs so anyone can enjoy them (shit, I hope they don't find this blog in the backwaters of the Internet and get mad at me), I give you the show's opening number:

1. How Amazing is This?

WOMEN
(while the men do some ooh-ing)
It's ninety-nine degrees.
The whole room smells like socks.
It's crawling with disease.

ALL
My God, this really rocks!
Here we go again,
Time for another college party.
Get a drink and grab a partner,
Pick a personality.
And if it doesn't turn out right
Then try again tomorrow night.
Friends and freedom in four years of frozen time...
How amazing is this?

(spoken:)
NATHAN
Did I tell you about the party? ...Of course I'm going -- I'm almost there! Look, I'm here, I can't -- I can barely hear you! ...I know, it's gonna be great! ...Listen, I'm at the door. I'll talk to you soon! ...Okay, thanks. Love you too... Mom.
(Hangs up the phone, bumps into KATHARINE)
Oops!

KATHARINE
Sorry!

NATHAN
Hi...

KATHARINE
Hi...

NATHAN
I'm Nathan!

KATHARINE
(laughs)
Katharine. Nice to meet you.

NATHAN
(adorably enthusiastic)
Are you a freshman, too?

KATHARINE
No... I'm a sophomore. Why don't I introduce you to some of my--

EDDIE
Hey, everybody! Watch me chug an entire gallon of milk!

NATHAN

Ooh!

ALL
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
(sung, divided like beginning:)
Can't see through all the smoke,
Can't move, we're packed so tight.
I think my eardrums broke,
Oh what an awesome night!
Here we go again,
Time for another college party.
Start the playlist, pass the pizza,
Pick a pastel polo shirt.
Sure, the whole world waits for me,
But there's nowhere I'd rather be.
Friends and freedom in four years of frozen time...
How amazing is this?

(spoken:)
NATHAN
Oh my God. College is like... the greatest thing in the history of... ever!

KATHARINE
(laughs)
Yeah, well, classes haven't really picked up yet. Just wait until midterms...

NATHAN
(genuinely excited)
Are midterms awesome too?

KATHARINE
Um...

ROB
(holding a large bag of marshmallows)
I'm goin' for it! ...Chubby Bunny! ...Chubby Bunny! ...Chubby Bunny!

(KATHARINE sings, NATHAN speaks)
KATHARINE
There's something in his eyes...

NATHAN
There's something in this punch!

KATHARINE
I wonder that he's thinking about.

NATHAN
Ooh! They've got Doritos!

KATHARINE
Does he feel the way that I feel?

NATHAN
Aw, Cool Ranch!*

KATHARINE
Guess there's only one way to find out...

(spoken:)
KATHARINE
Hey again!

NATHAN
(with his mouth full and having no idea how to interact with a girl)
...Doritos!

KATHARINE
(laughing)
Yeah. So, um, Nathan, I was wondering... maybe later tonight, you might want to... I don't know, do something fun? Just you and me?

NATHAN
I would love to! Hey, maybe we could go out for--

AMY
Oh my God, it's Jay!

(sung:)
JAY
Is it Thursday or Saturday?

ALL
I don't know!

JAY
Either way, I'm not getting up tomorrow.
We might all be stressed or depressed or obsessed with a test

ALL
But tonight we're all blessed to be
Guests at the best damn party
To start, we all know it's sweat to forget you're upset.

JAY
Why?

EDDIE
We've mastered getting plastered!

ALL
Cheers!

AMY
We're enamoured with getting hammered!

ALL
Cheers!
Just bring us some booze and good friends and loud music and Jay.
Hey! We're all gonna be okay!
Here we go again,
Time for another college party.
Somehow so much happens every night,
But nothing ever changes.
The story of the years we spent,
Content to just experiment.
With friends and freedom in four years of frozen time...
How amazing is this?

JAY
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na

(spoken:)
NATHAN
Who's that?

KATHARINE
That's Jay. He's kind of a big deal.

(sung:)
ALL
Na na na na na na na na

JAY
How amazing is this?

(As chorus breaks into two groups, overlapping their "Na na na's" and "How amazing is this...'s"** during the dialogue; NATHAN begins to drink heavily with some of the other guys.)

(spoken:)
KATHARINE
(walking up to NATHAN and the others)
Whoa -- 'kay -- slow down, guys. Nathan's new at this. Nathan, you don't have to keep up with them...

EDDIE
Aw, Katharine, he's fine!

NATHAN
Fine? I'm great!
(trying to act as sober as possible:)
Katharine. Katharine!
(whispers something in KATHARINE's ear; then, as he is swept up by the crowd, sings; the Na's and How amazing's continue:)
Hey!
This is what it's all about!
Jay's the man.
You're the man.
I'm the man.
We're... We're the man!

ALL
Here we go again,
Time for another college party!

*Our Nathan hated Cool Ranch Doritos. And had to keep eating them.
**Not really sure how to pluralize that.

Validation

It's time for a great story that validates my awesomeness.

Last semester, in History of Ancient Greece (CL225), Dr. Young mentioned that Cleon was "riding a wave of popularity." As much as I loved her class, I was a bit bored so, naturally, I drew a little picture in my notes of a stick-man (Cleon) surfing on a tidal wave (of popularity).

Last week, while studying for my History of Ancient Rome (CL226) mid-term, I went through my notes for Roman Civ. (CL102) from last year. While flipping through the spiral notebook to find the beginning of my CL102 notes, I happened across something in my notes for Greek Civ. (CL101).

Well, apparently Dr. Schaus also said that Cleon was riding a wave or popularity, because I had drawn the exact same picture in those notes already. I probably even showed it to Jessica last year the same way I showed it to Victoria this year.

Validation of awesomeness? Check.

Legal in the US in Ancient Rome

Yeah, that's right. I'm 20. But calculating my age the way they did in Ancient Rome, I'm 21, as I am in my 21st year. So if I cross the border and decide I want to drink, I can just tell them, "Dudes. I'm 21 in Ancient Rome. I'm of age." Then I can drink!
(Plus, they're Americans, so they might actually fall for it. BAHAHAHA!!!)