Once Agnes' songliloquy (that's my word, so back off!) is done, the guys talk and play for a bit. Then, Lindsay comes in. She's pissed at Rob because he's (as usual) playing Smash Fest. She gives him an ultimatum:
5. Click, Smash!
(spoken):
LINDSAY
That's it, Rob! You have to choose. It's me or Smash Fest.
ROB
What?
LINDSAY
Me or Smash Fest!
EDDIE
(to NATHAN)
Easiest choice ever.
ROB
Oh, come on -- Lindsay, don't do this!
NATHAN
Hey! I got a kill!
WILL
You killed yourself.
LINDSAY
Don't test me, Rob.
ROB
Lindsay, it's not like that. You have to appreciate the finer points of this game!
EDDIE
Yeah, it's real cerebral.
ROB
No, seriously!
(sings)
It might seem like a wasted of time
To sit around a bid TV
But, baby, you don't realize
What animated violence means to me!
Click, smash! It gives us such a rush to
Click, smash! annihilate and crush you
Have to understand that it brings a boy joy to
Click, smash, pointlessly destroy.
LINDSAY
Rob, if you think you're gonna get through to me--
WILL, EDDIE
A huge surge of adrenaline
Accompanies each burst of flame
Hey everyone, I'm Superman*
ROB
Don't try to tell me this is just a game.
ROB, WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE
Click, smash! Hey, look! That guy's defenseless!
Click, smash! We'd better beat him senseless.
You have to understand that it brings a boy joy to
Click, smash, pointlessly destroy.
(spoken)
LINDSAY
Jesus, Rob, just stop it! Guys, this is not impressing me!
ROB
Lindsay, have you even been listening to us?
LINDSAY
Yes! You're the one who isn't listening to--
ROB
Lindsay, please. Come here, come over here!** Now take my controller.
(He gets behind her and puts his arms around her. His hands hold her hands as they both hold the controller.)
Okay, just... think of it like a romantic movie.
(sings, as the other guys do some aahs and oohs.)
I see you alone in the distance
There are thousands of stars in the sky
You look so appealing, there's no use concealing
The feelings I'm feeling inside.
I follow you out to the edge of the pier
And you turn and realize that I'm here
And the drama slowly increases...
(They are about to kiss. ROB, at the last minute, pulls away, turns to the TV and starts hitting buttons violently)
Till I smash your kneecaps to pieces!
(spoken)
LINDSAY
Dammit, Rob! Goodbye!
(She throws the controller and storms out.)
EDDIE
I think she's gone, dude.
ROB
Meh.
ALL
(sing)
They never understand that it brings a boy joy
To click, smash! Pointlessly destroy!
(A rockin' ballet dance break ensues, in which they violently but gracefully fight/dance like ballerinas. They all die, lie motionless for a moment, respawn, and continue fighting. And dancing. ADRIENNE enters.)
ADRIENNE
Hey, guys? What're you doing?
(The boys freeze, embarrassed to be caught dancing ballet.)
ROB
Playing Smash Fest...
(Pause; ADRIENNE looks incredulous.)
WILL
It's kind of a guy thing.
ADRIENNE
Can I play?
(The boys looks dumbfounded for a moment.)
ROB
Uh... sure. Eddie, hand it over.
EDDIE
Why?
ROB
Because you suck!
(EDDIE gives ADRIENNE the controller.)
Now Adrienne, the controls might take some getting used to...
WILL
Whoa!
ROB
Ah! Wait! Stop! Who's hitting me?
ADRIENNE
Sorry. My bad. Tee hee!
(All the boys turn to ADRIENNE, a mix of surprise and longing. She sings:)
It's time to show the boys who's boss.
Come on, you guys, put up a fight!
There isn't any place to hide.
Oh, Rob, I've got you in my sight!
ADRIENNE, ROB
Click, smash! I bashed you in the head, yeah!
Click, smash! It's fun to make thing dead.
WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE***
Click smash ahh
Click smash ahh
ALL
You have to understand that it brings us all joy
To click, smash, pointlessly destroy!
ADRIENNE, ROB
Destroy!
Destroy!
WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE
Click smash, smashy smashy click click
Click smash, smashy smashy click click
Click smash, smashy smashy click
Click smash!
LINDSAY
That's it, Rob! You have to choose. It's me or Smash Fest.
ROB
What?
LINDSAY
Me or Smash Fest!
EDDIE
(to NATHAN)
Easiest choice ever.
ROB
Oh, come on -- Lindsay, don't do this!
NATHAN
Hey! I got a kill!
WILL
You killed yourself.
LINDSAY
Don't test me, Rob.
ROB
Lindsay, it's not like that. You have to appreciate the finer points of this game!
EDDIE
Yeah, it's real cerebral.
ROB
No, seriously!
(sings)
It might seem like a wasted of time
To sit around a bid TV
But, baby, you don't realize
What animated violence means to me!
Click, smash! It gives us such a rush to
Click, smash! annihilate and crush you
Have to understand that it brings a boy joy to
Click, smash, pointlessly destroy.
LINDSAY
Rob, if you think you're gonna get through to me--
WILL, EDDIE
A huge surge of adrenaline
Accompanies each burst of flame
Hey everyone, I'm Superman*
ROB
Don't try to tell me this is just a game.
ROB, WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE
Click, smash! Hey, look! That guy's defenseless!
Click, smash! We'd better beat him senseless.
You have to understand that it brings a boy joy to
Click, smash, pointlessly destroy.
(spoken)
LINDSAY
Jesus, Rob, just stop it! Guys, this is not impressing me!
ROB
Lindsay, have you even been listening to us?
LINDSAY
Yes! You're the one who isn't listening to--
ROB
Lindsay, please. Come here, come over here!** Now take my controller.
(He gets behind her and puts his arms around her. His hands hold her hands as they both hold the controller.)
Okay, just... think of it like a romantic movie.
(sings, as the other guys do some aahs and oohs.)
I see you alone in the distance
There are thousands of stars in the sky
You look so appealing, there's no use concealing
The feelings I'm feeling inside.
I follow you out to the edge of the pier
And you turn and realize that I'm here
And the drama slowly increases...
(They are about to kiss. ROB, at the last minute, pulls away, turns to the TV and starts hitting buttons violently)
Till I smash your kneecaps to pieces!
(spoken)
LINDSAY
Dammit, Rob! Goodbye!
(She throws the controller and storms out.)
EDDIE
I think she's gone, dude.
ROB
Meh.
ALL
(sing)
They never understand that it brings a boy joy
To click, smash! Pointlessly destroy!
(A rockin' ballet dance break ensues, in which they violently but gracefully fight/dance like ballerinas. They all die, lie motionless for a moment, respawn, and continue fighting. And dancing. ADRIENNE enters.)
ADRIENNE
Hey, guys? What're you doing?
(The boys freeze, embarrassed to be caught dancing ballet.)
ROB
Playing Smash Fest...
(Pause; ADRIENNE looks incredulous.)
WILL
It's kind of a guy thing.
ADRIENNE
Can I play?
(The boys looks dumbfounded for a moment.)
ROB
Uh... sure. Eddie, hand it over.
EDDIE
Why?
ROB
Because you suck!
(EDDIE gives ADRIENNE the controller.)
Now Adrienne, the controls might take some getting used to...
WILL
Whoa!
ROB
Ah! Wait! Stop! Who's hitting me?
ADRIENNE
Sorry. My bad. Tee hee!
(All the boys turn to ADRIENNE, a mix of surprise and longing. She sings:)
It's time to show the boys who's boss.
Come on, you guys, put up a fight!
There isn't any place to hide.
Oh, Rob, I've got you in my sight!
ADRIENNE, ROB
Click, smash! I bashed you in the head, yeah!
Click, smash! It's fun to make thing dead.
WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE***
Click smash ahh
Click smash ahh
ALL
You have to understand that it brings us all joy
To click, smash, pointlessly destroy!
ADRIENNE, ROB
Destroy!
Destroy!
WILL, NATHAN, EDDIE
Click smash, smashy smashy click click
Click smash, smashy smashy click click
Click smash, smashy smashy click
Click smash!
*On this line, we did the Soulja Boy (did I spell that right) "Superman." It started out as a joke suggestion for one person to do, and it eventually got to all of us actually doing it.
**Our Rob said, "Come over here so I can holler at you for a minute!"
***I'm skipping skipping a line to indicate that these parts are sung at the same time. I can't do columns in this medium of writing.
**Our Rob said, "Come over here so I can holler at you for a minute!"
***I'm skipping skipping a line to indicate that these parts are sung at the same time. I can't do columns in this medium of writing.
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