After, 8

Agnes has set up camp outside Jay et al.'s room. She's waiting. Intermission. After that, the party starts with:

8. Alcoholeluia
I put in boldface the lines corresponding with the pictures they precede.

JAY emerges from his room. He stands on his balcony, above the entering crowd, like a priest. Everyone masses like a creepy Gothic chorus below him. He begins to sing in Gregorian-style chant.

JAY
Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here tonight
To worship the defining of the college experience.

ALL
(turning to the audience)
Ahh...

JAY
To celebrate the one thing that unifies us all.

ALL
(turning to the audience)
Ahh...

JAY
To participate in the miracle that occurs on
Campuses across America every Thursday, Friday
Saturday, and sometimes the other days too.
ALL
Ooh...


JAY
(spoken)
Eddie! Tap the keg!

ALL
(as EDDIE taps the keg:)
Ooh...ahh!

Gospel-rock feel begins.**

ALL
Life is hard but never fear
Your one true calling is ever clear
So come commit to getting lit today.
If you believe, then you will see
The pointlessness of sobriety
With Jack in hand your problems float away!

Send your conscience on vacation
And embrace annihilation.
Let the beer be your salvation
As you sing...

Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Grab a brew.
Let it guide you through the night, ahh!
Alcoholeluia!
Get a few into ya.
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.


(spoken):
LINDSAY
Hey, Nathan -- don't you look cute!

NATHAN
Thanks -- I changed shoes! Hey, do you know if Katharine's gonna be here tonight?

LINDSAY
I haven't seen her. Aren't you two in a fight?

NATHAN
I guess so...
(LINDSAY touched him flirtatiously as she walks away, and NATHAN spills his drink on himself.)

(sung):
WOMEN
Every day new troubles come
But you can't let them distract you from
The only faith with proof that you can see.

MEN
We speak in tongues and dance and shout
And get so happy that we pass out***
And isn't that the way that life should be?


JAY
So I'll loan ya a Corona.
It'll change your whole persona.
We'll get you in the zone and
Then you'll sing...
ALL
Ooh, ah ah ah ah
Ooh, ah ah ah ah
Ooh, ah ah ah ah, ahh

ALL
Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Drink with me, there's no need to be uptight. Ahh!
Alcoholeluia!
Feel it flowing through ya!
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.


(Dance break with overlapping chanting; each group continues as the next joins in.)

GROUP 1
Boot and rally. Boot, boot and rally.
Boot and rally. Boot, boot and rally.

GROUP 2
Shit I have to piss again! Shit I have to piss again!
Shit I have to piss again! Shit I have to piss again!****


GROUP 3
Oh my god! I love this song!
Oh my god! I love this song!

GROUP 4
Notice me. Please, notice me. Why won't you
Notice me. Please, notice me. Why won't you


GROUP 5
This guy! Look at this guy. Hey! This guy right here's amazing!
This guy! Look at this guy. Hey! This guy right here's amazing!


JAY
Have a shot of half a handle.
Nothing else can hold a candle
To liquor on demand! You'll
Start to sing...

ALL
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
(The group huddles together like an a capella group, each holding a shot.)
Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Pretty soon
It'll start to taste all right.
(shot)
Ahh!
(throw their shots/cups)


Alcoholeluia!
It's what you gotta do, duh!
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.
Ahh!

Alcoholeluia!
Alcoholeluia!
Be born again
Feel the spirits and unite, ahh!
Alcoholeluia!
Then boot and start anew, ya,
Sing Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light, ahh...
Oh Lord!
We've seen the Miller Light.

*We were all wearing dark hoodies for this part, with our heads bowed so you couldn't see our faces. It was quite eerie.
**And this is when we pulled off our hoods and it got all bright and junk.
***Here, I passed out. Yes, I fell again. And not for the last time in the show, either.
****Our girls said pee instead of piss. By the way, groups 1, 4, and 5 were guys; 2 and 3 were girls. I was in group 4.