Finale

After Agnes leaves, Nathan and Katharine kiss. Finally. Then, cue music to:

14. Closing Sequence

KATHARINE
You wanna get out of here?

NATHAN
Uh huh.

KATHARINE
Where do you think we can go?

NATHAN
(thinks.)
Let's walk.

(A subdued reprise of the opening number. Lights shift to JAY as he somberly enter the common room, alone, and looks around at the mess. After a moment, the music explodes into a full reprise of the opening number.* Everyone except NATHAN, KATHARINE, and AGNES enters excitedly and repeats the choreography from the top of the show. During the reprise, JAY walks around the room, detached, watching everyone numbly but not interacting with them. He does not sing or dance.)

ALL (but JAY)
Here we go again
Time for another college party
Somehow so much happens every night
But nothing ever changes.
The story of the years we spent
Content to just experiment
With friends and freedom in four years of frozen time.

JAY
(to himself and the audience, bemused)
How amazing is this?
**

*Meanwhile, I'm booking it backstage-right from stage left, dropping the box, pulling on my (underwear on Saturday, my) pants, my shirt, and my shoes, and booking it back across backstage to re-enter on stage left with everyone else, just barely making it back in time each show.
**After this there's also 15. Curtain Call, but it's just the na na nas and "How-amazing-is-thises, capped with a Here-we-go-again-time-for-another-college-party.

And Then...

Agnes talks to Kath and Nath, Simon returns, and, finally, they ask Agnes why she can't let them have fun. As she gives her an answer, a series of events (in slow motion, for our production) take place outside the bedroom, exactly proving her point, which is the extremely accurate:

13. College Kids Are Idiots

AGNES
(spoken)
Why not? Why not?
(She throws open the door. Lights up on the rest of the dorm room. We see everyone partying below. Cue music.)
I'll tell you why not!
(sings):
College kids are idiots,
And you are a college kid.
So therefore you're a total idiot.
In every case this rule holds true. 'Cause

College kids are idiots
And tend to destroy themselves
And so I spend my every waking hour
Protecting you from you.*


When you drive golf carts down the stairs
Or you go sledding in your underwear
I'm the one who's waiting there
To scream and yell and stare
And steam and glare and swear
And no one anywhere can
Understand why I should care that**


College kids are idiots. Well,
Unfortunately, you matter.
Because the future belongs to the idiots.
God help us.
Which is why I still try.
The future belongs to the idiots.
God help us.
So we can't have you die.***


(AGNES, KATHARINE, and NATHAN watch from JAY's room, as the students do ridiculous and dangerous things. It's really a mess. After a few moments of watching this, AGNES turns back to KATHARINE and NATHAN. The craziness continues in the room, even more frantically than ever.)
When you eat mothballs on a dare
Or you set fire to your teddy bear
I'm the one who's waiting there
to scream and yell and stare
And steam and glare and swear
And no one anywhere can
Understand why I should care that****

(as the CHORUS ahhs)
College kids are idiots. Well,
Unfortunately, you matter. Because

AGNES & CHORUS
The future belong to the idiots.

AGNES
God help us.
Which is why I still try.

CHORUS
Ah-ah-ahh!

AGNES & CHORUS
The future belongs to the idiots.

AGNES
God help us.
So we can't have you die!

CHORUS
(as AGNES holds on "die")
College kids, college kids,
Idiots, ahh!*****

*They put bubble wrap over Simon's head and started hitting.
**Sword fighting with hockey sticks. Then they smashed heads and both collapsed. The girls downstage-left pointing and laughing are collapsed from wheelbarrowing across the room.
***Keg stand!
****I got lots of laughs running across the stage in a beer box. Plus it was nice and breezy. And if you're wondering, yes, I wore my underwear under the box. Except on Saturday. I still wore my underwear. I just wore them... on... my head. Afterwards, Morgan (Amy) told me she saw a bit of cheek.
*****Funnels, as we all cheer them on. w00t!

No P

Here's a reprise (not a preprise; no P). After Jay leaves, Katharine comes in. She and Nathan talk a bit. He asks if she remembers when they me. She answers:

12A. Nathan and Katharine's Reprise*

(spoken):
KATHARINE
(laughing)
Wait, do you?

NATHAN
(playfully, flirtatiously)
I kinda, fell into-- which I'm... sorry about, by the way-- but--

KATHARINE
I remember.

NATHAN
(smiles. Music crescendos. He mocks himself, playinga game with KATHARINE, but with an underlying sincerity. Sings:)
There's something in your eyes...

KATHARINE
(playing a game with him too, says:)
You noticed I have eyes!**

NATHAN
I wonder what you're thinking about...

KATHARINE
You are such a dweeb.

NATHAN
Do you feel the way that I do?

BOTH
(leaning in for a possible**** kiss)
Guess there's only one way to find out...

*Remember Katharine's part in "How Amazing is This?" when Nathan was fascinated by some Cool Ranch Doritos? This is to the same tune.
**On our Saturday show, she followed that with, "...and not just boobs."
***Until this line, Nathan sings and Katharine speaks.
****It's only a possible kiss because, before they get there, Agnes barges or tumbles in, looking for Jay, and the music abruptly stops.

H2H

Nathan finds Jay in his room. They have a heart-to-heart, like Eric and I used to have when he'd get drunk and come to my room. Then:

12. Reflection*

JAY
Dude.
All the girls wanna see me.
All the guys wanna be just like me,
Be around me, so yeah,
Whatcha heard is all true.

Sure.
I'm as chill as they make 'em.
Where's the party? I'll take right over.
Take the spotlight, 'cause hey,
It's me. It's what I do. And

Ooh, my life is pretty sweet.
But ooh, it's kinda incomplete
'Cause ev'ry night, once the magic show is through
There's still one more person that I wish I knew.
He's confiding in a freshman,
On a Saturday at a quarter after two.

NATHAN**
Yeah.
Guess my collar flips up now,
And a dollar means one more beer at
One more party,
Try to remember one more name.

JAY
Hey.
So you're learning the way to
Smile and say that you like Dave Matthews,***

NATHAN
You hate to study.****

JAY
It's not real, you know? It's just a game.

NATHAN
But now ooh, you're somehow not the same.

JAY
Ooh, not sure what I became

BOTH
Or where to go from here, 'cause this is how it's gonna be
Till I finally escape with my degree.

JAY
But for now I'll talk in monotone

NATHAN
Soaked in cologne

BOTH
At a quarter after three.*****

NATHAN
Na na na na na na na na

BOTH
Na na na na na na na na

Hoping to god we fit in okay, hell,
We started this act on the very first day.
Wondering who is this guy we're all trying to be
And what will he do to me?

Ooh, I think we all feel lost.
Ooh, beneath our loud Lacoste
Lies that little kid that we're all trying to ignore
Who hopes after college he'll be something more.

JAY
But he still fakes smiles and handshakes.

NATHAN
Still that guy who doesn't get it.

JAY
Just wants decent conversation,

NATHAN
Motivation,

BOTH
Aspiration.

JAY
Or just to disappear at half past four.

NATHAN
Na na na na na na na na

JAY
Na na na na na na na na

BOTH
Na na na na na na na na

*I'm told that Drew Fornarola and Scott Elmegreen wrote this song first, then built the rest of the show around it.
**Due to being sick and this song being at the end of the show, you could hear Nathan's voice starting to go (only the very slightest bit, here or there) by the end of this song. But only on opening night; the other shows were better. Especially considering he was still sick.
***Me too!
****Me too!
*****Apparently, this song has been going on for an hour.

An Accurate Designation of our Generation

The next morning, the football scene. A brief discussion of the word "meh." And then the awesomely hokey song:

11. Generation Meh

JAY
Our grandparents were the greatest
Mom and Dad were Boomers
But no one knows who we are yet.
None* of the labels the experts pick
Ever seem to really stick.
Which makes us just a little bit upset.
So without further ado
I present to you
Generation...
meh.**

EDDIE
Stuff sucks
But there's nothing we can do about it.

NATHAN
Well, not without considerable effort.
Armies forming and
Global warming won't
Simply go away.

AMY
Too bad

ROB
Yeah.

WILL
Stuff sucks
But there's nothing we can do about it.

NATHAN
Well, not without initiative and planning.

LINDSAY
Dreaming big is so
Overrated, though

ALL (but NATHAN)
Why not spend the day here
Coasting through,
Getting by;
Doing our best not to try.
Just like all our friends across the nation.
Maybe we could make a stir,

JAY
But apathy is easier.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

EDDIE
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

ROB
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

NATHAN
Meh?

ADRIENNE & AMY
World's bad
But there's nothing we can do about it.

SARAH & LINDSAY
Well, not without some discipline and focus.

ROB & WILL
But in that regard,
Working hard is hard

EDDIE
We prefer to sit.

JAY
Things blow
But there's nothing we can do about it.

SARAH
Well, not without, like, taking off our headphones.

NATHAN
Might be worth a shot--

JAY
But we'd rather not.

ALL (but NATHAN)
It's less stress to quit.

ALL
Coasting through,
Getting by;
Doing our best not to try.
Just like all our friends across the nation.

MEN
Don't buy what they try to teach ya.

WOMEN
Stay inside and read your Nietzsche.***

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

LINDSAY
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

WILL
Meh.

ALL (but NATHAN)

Generation

NATHAN
Meh?

EDDIE (spoken)
All right, everybody, let's do the apathy dance.

(They do the most unenthusiastic dance break ever. These three lines are spoken over the course of the dancing:)

LINDSAY
Whatever.

ROB
This is sooo lame.

AMY
Oh my God.

JAY
Democrats are stupid and
Republicans are evil
So why bother to believe you'll
Make a difference either way?

AMY
The terrorists keep plotting
And diseases keep on spreading.
No one quite knows where we're heading.

ALL
Maybe that's why kids today are

NATHAN
Scared to fail
Scared to death

ALL
All of us holding our breath
Even as we roll our eyes and pout.
We're wondering if we could come through

NATHAN
Even if we wanted to
Secretly afraid to go find out.

JAY
So for now we're all just

ALL
Coasting through,
Getting by;
Doing our best not to try.
Just like all our friends across the nation.
Sure the world will go to shit
But we don't have to notice it.

GROUP 1

Generation

GROUP 2
Meh

GROUP 1

Generation

GROUP 2
Meh

GROUP 1

Generation

GROUP 2
Meh

GROUPS 1 & 2****
Work (meh) Clean (meh) Vote (meh) Study (meh) Try (meh) Care (meh) Plan (meh) Thnik (meh)
(GROUP 3 enters here, singing LAs -- overlapping with below, happily, skipping around while plugging their ears, verse melody.)
Protest (meh) Challenge (meh) Grow (meh) Reach (meh) Dream (meh) Fight (meh) Question (meh) Hope (meh) Work (meh) Clean (meh) Vote (met) Study (meh)

ALL
Generation...

NATHAN
Meh.

*For the longest time, our Jay would always say "all" instead of "none," which sends the exact opposite message.
**The word "meh" is never sung; always spoken.
***At least two people in the cast (university students) at some point asked me what that line meant (and who/what Nietzsche is). I was thoroughly disappointed.
****I was group 1. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to memorize all the words in order. But I did. Don't worry.